I understand how they felt, but I still don't have a reason.

I had a dream that someone had found out about all of the people that I have shot, and some of those I hadn’t finished off the first time were coming for me. I had to start running, and go into hiding. I was terrified, and sad about leaving my life and friends behind, and guilty over what I had done. How could I have let myself do those things?

When I woke up, it took me a few minutes to remember that I’d never done anything like that.